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Today's jokes [10.18.12]

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How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.


A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a
fairly regular basis. 

After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she said

"This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping
myself pure until I meet the man I love." 

"That must be rather difficult," the man replied. 

"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband
pretty upset."


How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?
Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt...
Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she's been fucking too much..


One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her 
husband with twin sons.  They loved the children very much, 
but couldn't think of what to name their children.  Finally, after 
several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names 
right now.  If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur 
to us."

After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife 
noticed a peculiar fact.  When left alone, one of the boys would 
also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face 
inland.  It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the 
children, the same child always faced the same direction.  
"Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the 
fisherman.  His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys 
were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong.  The day 
came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is 
time that learned how to make a living from the sea."  They 
provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a 
three month voyage. 

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet 
the ship had not returned.  Another three months passed, and 
still no ship. 

Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a 
lone man walking towards her house.  She recognized him as 
her husband.  "My goodness!  What has happened to my 
darling boys?" she cried. 

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:

"We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards 
hooked into a great fish.  Towards fought long and hard, but the 
fish was more than his equal.  For a whole week they wrestled 
upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually 
the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled 
over the side of our ship.  He was swallowed whole, and we 
never saw either of them again."

"Oh dear, that must have been terrible!  What a huge fish that 
must of been! What a horrible fish.  What a horrible fish."

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."


Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the 
court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor,
"You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the 
best legal advice you can."

After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked 
where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him 
good advice. I found out that he was guilty as hell, so I told him to 


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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