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Today's jokes [10.12.12]

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A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a 
beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve 
beer.)  The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the 
jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"  The German fellow felt 
pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, 
and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."

1. 




Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish?
A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father's business, his mother
thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin. 

2. 




An old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of 
sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to 
do. 

One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some 
entertainment for the men. 

He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has an 
orifice in the side and he invites each one of the men to "take 
the pleasures" of the barrel to their heart's content. Soon a full-
fledged hedonistic orgy is underway. 

The men are cheerful once again and morale is boosted. Things 
reach such a frenzy that even the captain's dog has a go. Once 
the party is over and the barrel is full of the team's spirit, it is 
bunged up and thrown overboard. The ship sails away. 

A few days later the barrel comes ashore on the beach of a 
deserted island in the middle of nowhere. The only inhabitants 
of the island are the nuns who have founded their convent there. 
The nuns find the barrel and open it. They don't recognize the 
contents and take it to be wax, from which they fashion 
candles. 

Of course, nuns being nuns, they use the candles in the way 
only nuns can. 

Nine months later an inordinate number of babies appear 
inexplicably on the island. One of the nuns is very guilty about 
her sins and approaches the Mother Superior for confession. 

"Forgive me, Mother. I have had a baby." 

The Mother Superior says, "That's nothing, my child. I've had 
puppies."

3. 




Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one 
is blind and the other appears normal. A couple 
of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He 
sees the guys and decides to have compassion on 
them. 
He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his 
sight is restored. He touches the man in the 
wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away. 
He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa, 
God! I'm on workman's comp!'

4. 




IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS 

Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. 
Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. 
Girlfriends, take heed!! 

There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by 
female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims to have 
sex with them. The shocking news is that the drug is available virtually 
anywhere! 

It goes by the street name "Beer". 

All girls have to do is buy a "Beer" or two for almost any guy and then 
simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered 
literally helpless against such tactics.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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