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Today's jokes [1.6.12]

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A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert
himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go 
home and show her you're the boss." 

The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went
home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and 
growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my 
supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs 
and lay out my clothes.  Tonight I am going out with the boys. 
You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another 
thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?"

"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

1. 




Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn
out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the
bulbs work smarter, not harder.

2. 




Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? 

Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood.... 


3. 




There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam.
It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and
young George was pretty excited.
"Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George.
"George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up
at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice
orderly fashion." said Sam.
"Okay, I can do that." George answered. 
Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam
said and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few more
instructions.
"Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end and
you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle" said Sam.
"OK, OK, let's go!" said George.
"Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals will
let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?"
said Sam.
"Sure" says George.
Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one
end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remember's Sam's
instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to
say - "Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am,
thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am."


4. 




How do you tell if you are in a gay church? 
 Only half the congregation is kneeling. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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