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Today's jokes [1.31.12]

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   A man driving outside of Baltimore, Maryland was southbound on
   Interstate 95 in the far right hand lane traveling at 55 mph, minding
   his own business. He noticed in his rear view mirror that a Maryland
   State Trooper was right behind him. A mile later nothing changed,
   except now he's driving at 65 mph, the maximum limit. Several miles
   further along, the Trooper's right on his bumper and the man increases
   his speed to 75 mph. The Trooper activates his lights and siren and
   the man reluctantly pulls onto the shoulder.
   
   After the Trooper demands the man's driver's license and registration,
   he sez, "Mr. {Smith}, I cannot for the life of me figure out why, when
   you knew I was behind you for quite some time, you sped up knowing
   that you could be cited for speeding. What in the world caused you to
   do that ?
   
   The man looked relieved, stared the Trooper directly in the eye and
   softly spoke, "Trooper, three months ago, my wife ran off with a
   Maryland State Trooper. I thought you were him, bringing her back."


1. 




Q: Why do tampons have string?
A: So you can floss after eating.


2. 




An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:

Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for
50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife,
but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.

Father: When was the last time you made a confession?

Man: I never have, I am Jewish.

Father: Then why are telling me all this?

Man: I am telling everybody ... 

3. 




Question: What do you call a gay man's scrotum?

Answer: Mud flaps!

4. 




Q: What do the Chinese call a 69?
A: Two can chew!!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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