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Today's jokes [1.30.12]

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A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm 
constipated."
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean 
over the table."
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks 
him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the 
bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. 
What should I do?"
The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

1. 




Moon Mission

NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two  pigs and 
Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the 
first stage drops off.
Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear."
"Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?"
"Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon 
landing. Over."
"That's right. Over and out."
They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage.
"Hello, Pig 2? Come in please."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear."
"OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the 
green button to initiate the launch program."
"That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."
An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last 
stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the astronauts again.
"Houston here, Kiki, come in. Kiki do you read us?"
"Kiki here, reading you loud and clear."
"Kiki, do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes," Kiki says, "I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off any buttons."

2. 




What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

3. 




What would you do if you had a condum with a hole
in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? 

     I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them. 

4. 




Why do men like blonde jokes??

     Because they can understand them. 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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