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Today's jokes [1.27.12]

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"What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?"
"Popeye beat the shit out of him!"


1. 




What part of a woman does a man like looking at best?
The top of her head.

2. 




It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
   zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
   sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in
   front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on
   the bars, holding on w/one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding
   his chest w/the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady
   in the sheer dress.
   
   The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the
   poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and
   flirt w/the ape.
   
   She does and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that
   would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her
   straps fall; she does, and the gorilla is so excited, he's just about
   to tear the bars down.
   
   The husband then suggests that the wife lift her dress up above the
   thighs... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
   
   Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
   door to the cage, slings her in w/the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him
   you have a headache."


3. 




This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over
by the cops.  The cop asked the man for his name and the
guy replied, "Earl."

"You got a last name, Earl?"

"Nope.  It's a long story, Officer."

"I got time."

Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known as
Earl Doo-Daa.  I was going to school to become a doctor, and
I did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD.  I got bored just
being a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and 
became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D.  After a little more time I 
fooled around with this girl and got VD.  So I was known as
Earl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD.  When the medical board
found out about my VD they took away my MD so I was known
as Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD.  The dentistry board also found
out about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl 
Doo-Dah with VD.  Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah so
I'm now just Earl."

4. 




Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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