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Today's jokes [1.26.12]

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"First," said the playboy,
"I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose."
"Oh no you're not," said the girl.
"Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks."
"Oh no you're not."
"Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks."
"Oh no you're not."
"Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you."
"Oh no you're not."
"And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy.
"Oh yes you are!" said the girl.

1. 




Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, 
Pop! What are you doin'?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that 
gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning." 

2. 




How do you re-sleeve a prostitue? 

     - Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out. 

3. 




A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening and read's: Dear Wife (that's what
he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the
hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54
and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year
old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore 
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!!!! 

4. 




What is a macho man?

After getting a blow job, he asks the woman,
'Was it as good for you, as it was for me?'

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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