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Today's jokes [1.24.12]

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The following was contributed by Emil:

A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman,
"cor! I've just had my first blow-job and it was great! -- I'll have a
large whiskey please, barman." The man takes his whiskey and downs it. 
"Same again?" asks the barman. "Okay" says the man and downs the second. 
He then orders a third and a forth and downs them both.In fact in total
he downs 27 whiskeys. "Do you want another?" asks the barman. "No I don't 
think so", says the man, "If 27 whiskeys won't take away the taste
I don't think that another one will!"


1. 




A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of
draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the
examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went
as follows:

D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
L: ?eh?
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!
L: ??EH??
D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....


2. 




A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's 
Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after 
her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The 
mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each 
word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation", 
she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."

3. 




One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy's car in the girl's 
driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into 
his pants and placed his cock in her hand.
She froze, jumped up and said, "I've got two words for you, DROP DEAD!"
Then he said, "I've got two words for you, LET GO!".

4. 




An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots
of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a 
surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where 
the cake was placed.

Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and 
immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of 
him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!

The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes 
of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:

"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is 
a gynecologist!"




5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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