Today's jokes [1.23.12]
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IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement
This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all
IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest
of us may find it rather funny.
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse
balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate
or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse
balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon
manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the
pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off
method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However,
excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of
ball replacement, the mouse maybe used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for
maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer
missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel,
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour,the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?", they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer."
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies
are hitting from the ladies tee.
The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready
to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it
another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies "No, you see that's your problem. You
should have been taking golf lessons instead."
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an
experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling
them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd
standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and
said, "Let's get off the corner."
No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled
glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young
policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I
"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a
What if Mother Goose had tendencies and propensities
toward verbosity and prolixity?
Jack becomes dexterous,
Jack becomes able to attain high velocity,
Jack forms a trajectory over the illuminating apparatus of
Mary was formerly the owner and proprietor of a pygmy Ovis aries,
It possessed an outer wool covering which had the characteristic
pallidness much like that found in the appearance of crystalline
And to each point in space that Mary would venture to,
The aforementioned Ovis aries would participate with a high degree of
Diminutive Jack Horner
Was seated at the perpendicular conjunction of three planar surfaces,
Ingesting his baked Yuletide pastry.
He inserted his opposable digit,
And excavated a specimen of genus Prunus,
And remarked, "What a benevolent adolescent I have become!"
Lilliputian damsel Muffet
Was rested upon a squatty seating apparatus,
Ingesting the lacteal substances in her possession.
At this point arrived an arachnid
Which inhabited the immediate vicinity of the maiden,
And, true to the fundamental principles of stimulus and response,
arose trepidation in the damsel with sufficient efficiency so as
to induce the aforementioned maiden to change locale.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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