Today's jokes [1.12.12]

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The doctor took Bill into the room and said,
"Bill, I have some good news and some bad news." 

Bill said, "Give me the good news." 

"They're going to name a disease after you." 

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech
 corporation.  The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and
 presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up
 against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

 Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales
 took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his
 wits's end, he remembered the envelopes.  He went to his drawer and took
 out the first envelope.  The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

 The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at
 the feet of the previous CEO.  Satisfied with his comments, the press --
 and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the
 problem was soon behind him.

 About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in
 sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his
 previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope.  The
 message read, "Reorganize."  This he did, and the company quickly
 rebounded.

 After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again
 fell on difficult times.  The CEO went to his office, closed the door
 and opened the third envelope.

 The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.
THE DR. ASKS,"IS YOUR DAUGHTER  SEXUALLY ACTIVE?"
THE REDNECK SAYS,"NAW,  SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER.

Sent by BOBBY

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said:
"Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult
you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that
I had mentioned you in my will."

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and
then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd
like to make a little change..." 

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