Today's jokes [1.11.12]
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It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against
President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The
spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with
a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick.
How does a women hold her liquor?
By the ears.
What's the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy?
John Denver made it alive out of Aspen.
Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy?
Not yet, but he's done one about the tree: "I'm Still Standing"
How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy?
Check the family tree.
A simple accident? Some witnesses insist there was a second tree at
What do Michael and JFK Jr's magazine "George" have in common?
New bumper sticker...."Plant A Tree....Kill A Kennedy...."
What will it take to reunite the four Kennedy brothers?
A1: One more bullet.
A2: A season lift pass.
A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes
in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to
the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in
the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying
the movie: wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the
sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits. After the
movie, the man approaches the dogs owner,
"Jeez mate, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I'm amazed!"
"Yes, I'm amazed also," came the reply. "He hated the book."
A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of Thumb: Never
be absolute, unless absolutely necessary:
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In
English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some
languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a
negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can
form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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