Today's jokes [1.10.12]
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What do you call a blonde with white eyes?
Sent by Rob
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front
porch, reflecting on her long life, when--all of a sudden--a fairy
godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be
granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really
** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful
*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of
"Ooh--can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than
anyone could possibly imagine.
She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak,
he saunters across the porch in his catlike way and whispers in her
ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered, aren't you?"
This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new
Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she
spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in
preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was
ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls
necklace that he admired so much.
She replied, "Well, yes darling, I do. But what in the world would you
need it for at a time like this ?
He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way
I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."
A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we
talk about politics
The bartender says ģIF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE
IT'S POLITICSī. A little while later hey bartender can we talk about
religon. Again the
bartender says" IF THERE'S ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S
RELIGON". Then again we hear hey bartender can we talk about sex. The
SURE. The drunk says good............fuck you!
An academic problem
In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall,
and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk
toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the
girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite
amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close
enough for all practical purposes."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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