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Today's jokes [1.1.12]

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How do old people have oral sex? 

    They talk about it. 

1. 




What do a moped and a blonde have in common?

     They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. 

2. 




A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life.  She 
cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive.  
She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would 
change her life.


While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer 
who was trying to get his sheep across the road.  She stopped 
her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her 
first good deed.


After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, 
"your sheep are so cute.  If I guess how many there are, could 
I have one."


The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay.


"637", said the blonde.


The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact 
number, but lived up to his bargain.


"I'll take that feisty one over there", said the blonde.


Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the 
real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?



3. 




Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told
to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are
under their wives control and they other for those that control
their wives.

After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are
nineteen men in the first line and only one in the second.

The angel walks up to the man and asks why he was so sure of his
independence.

"That's easy," said the fellow, "My wife told me to stand here!" 

4. 




A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office
worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked  "What if you want them to
come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all
come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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