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Today's jokes [9.26.11]

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A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing
a young girl as she walked by the construction site.
She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.
Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!"
The girl turned around and replied "It must be terrible when
even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?" 

1. 




Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia?

Well God found plenty of guys who liked 
to deal with sheep, but he could'nt 
find three wise men or a virgin.

Sent by Johnny

2. 




Q: What did Michael Jackson say when his cock slid
   in the little boys arse?
A: There is a great musician in you.

3. 





                               UNIVERSAL GRADE CHANGE FORM

                              ____________________University


      To: Professor____________________ From:___________________________


      I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be

      changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:


      ______1.    The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.

      ______2.    The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.

      ______3.    This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into: 

                  ______Medical School          ______Graduate School

                  ______Dental School           ______My Fraternity/Sorority

                  ______The Mickey Mouse Club   ______Tri County Tech

      ______4.    I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in

                  _______________.

      ______5.    I'll lose my scholarship.

      ______6.    I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.

      ______7.    I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used

                  did not cover the materisal asked for on the exam.

      ______8.    I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every

                  little fact.

      ______9.    I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams

                  asked about general principles.

      _____10.    You are prejudiced against:

                  ______Males         ______Jews          ______Blacks

                  ______Females       ______Catholics     ______Whites

                  ______Protestants   ______Moslems       ______Minorities

                  ______Chicanos      ______People        ______Students

      _____11.    If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or

                  at least cut my allowance.

      _____12.    I was unable to do well in this course because of the

                  following illness:

                  ______mono                  ______broken baby finger

                  ______acute alcoholism      ______pregnancy

                  ______VD                    ______fatherhood

      _____13.    You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly

                  how you wanted that done.

      _____14.    I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.

      _____15.    I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.

      _____16.    The lectures were:

                  ______too detailed to pick out important points

                  ______not explained in sufficient detail

                  ______too boring

                  ______all jokes and not enough material

                  ______all of the above

      _____17.    This course was:

                  ______too early, I was not awake.

                  ______at lunchtime, I was hungry

                  ______too late, I was tired

      _____18.    My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my

                  (book, notes, paper) for this course.

      _____19.    Other___________________________________________________



4. 




Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit
in a boat and drink beer all day. 


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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