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Today's jokes [9.24.11]

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A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight
with Sidney.  He called me a sissy."
"What did you do?" the mother asked.
"I hit him with my purse!"



1. 




What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer? 

A fuckin know-it-all!

2. 




Why do elephants have 4 feet? 

    -Because 4 inches isn't enough. 

3. 




The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the 
best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. 
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. 
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They 
question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive 
investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, 
killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no 
apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit! 

4. 




You know what that little red dot means in the middle of an Indian woman's forehead? 
............................"Coffee's ready."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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