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Today's jokes [9.23.11]

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A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason
the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked
what was wrong.
"Nothing," said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked
and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's
Day, you don't even tell me so much as "Thank you."
"Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten
a Father's Day gift."
"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."

1. 




Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of 
lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
"Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left." His 
partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."

2. 




What do you call foreplay in Alabama?


                                         'Hey sis, you awake?'

3. 




"So you're writing a down-to-earth story?"

"Yes, about a parachute jumper."



4. 




Here's a sad one...

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? 

A: A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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