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Today's jokes [9.20.11]

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Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by 
a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the 
nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the 
dog's neck.
A reporter who is strollin by sees the incident, and rushes over to
interview the boy. "A brave New Yorker saves friend from vicious animal", 
he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not from New York" the boy replies.
"I'm visiting from Kentucky!"
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Redneck bastard kills family pet".



1. 




Tith the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was suddenly 
illuminated. "Who turned on the fucking lights?" a male passenger, who had 
been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess.
The girl had had enough of this particular character. "These are the 
breakfast lights, sir," she answered with forced sweetness. "The fucking
lights are much dimmer, and you snored right through them." 

2. 




There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel
and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.
After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him
and reminded him he was a holy man.

"It's O.K.," he replied, "it's written in the Bible."

So after a wild night of you-know-what the hat check girl asked
to see where in the Bible it says it's okay.

The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the
first page where someone wrote in pencil - "The hat check girl
puts out!" 

3. 




Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full. 

4. 




What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 30 centimeter
dick?

Nothing....  They all make your eyes water.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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