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Today's jokes [9.2.11]

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Little Johnny was in his math's class one day when the teacher
singled him out.
"If I gave you $20," the teacher began," and you gave $5 to Mary,
$5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered.

1. 




Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot ?
A. Because you couldn't get that much shit into a shoe.


2. 




Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer,
it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and
receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and
generally have a blast without doing anything remotely
related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits
that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to
talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by
your boss -and you *will* get caught - your best defence is
to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus
saving valuable training dollars.

3. 




Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a 
secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no 
to everything."
"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"
"No," the girl replied.
"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"
"N-n-no," the girl replied.
"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the
level about this."

4. 




Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and
crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your
mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." 
The next night, its fathers turn to do the job.
"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing
joy to new mommies and daddies." 
A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from
the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the
parents ask their son where he had been all night. 
Says the baby stork, "Awww, just scaring the shit out of college kids!" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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