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Today's jokes [9.14.11]

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The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract
and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering
trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night
stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already
in one.
"I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said.
"Yeah, I know." sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me
a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'. 

1. 




Mongo's old lady decided she wanted t do
something special to please him on his
birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless
panties. 
That night, as he came into the house, she
lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle.
"Hi hon," she purred sexily. "Y'all want
some of this?"
"Hell, no!" he hollered. "Look at what it's
done to your undies!"

2. 




Did you hear about the guy who got his vasectomy done at Sears?

    -Every time he gets a hard-on, the garage door goes up.

3. 




Q: Why do female parachutists wear tampons? 
A: So they don't whistle on the way down...

4. 




Q: What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch 
dick?
A: Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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