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Today's jokes [9.10.11]

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Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this 
gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next 
to her.  He buys her a drink and then another and then another. 
After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back 
to his place for a "good time."

"Look," says the woman, "what do you think I am? I don't turn 
into a slut after 3 drinks, you  know!"

"OK,"  replies Joe, "so how many does it take?"

1. 




If Sony made toasters...
Their Sony Toastman, which would be barely larger than
the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be
conveniently attached to your belt.

2. 




A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The 
officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if 
she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
"Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

3. 




   A Synopsis of the Microsoft Car
   At a recent computer expo (Comdex), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
   computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept
   up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
   driving $25.00 cars that get 100 miles to the gallon." Recently,
   General Motors addresses this comment by releasing this statement,
   "yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
   Below is a synopsis of the Microsoft Car: Every time they repainted
   the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally
   your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just
   accept this, restart and drive on. Occasionally, executing a maneuver
   would cause your car to stop and fail, and you would have to
   re-install the engine. for some strange reason, you would accept this
   too. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
   bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
   Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
   five times faster, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on 5% of
   the roads. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft
   upgrades for their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
   The oil, gas and alternator lights would be replaced with single
   "general car fault" lights. The airbag system would say "Are you
   sure?" before going off. If you were involved in a crash, you would
   have no idea what happened.


4. 




Why is a joke like pussy?

Neither's any good if you don't get it.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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