Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [9.1.11]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


During the Mexican/American war, an intense long standoff 
occured along the front. For days and days neither side made 
any advances. Finally, an American general had a bright idea. 

He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled "Hey 
Juan!".....A soldier jumped up and replied "What?" The general 
shot him dead. This continued for three days. 

A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and 
decided to try it out. He called out "Hey John!!" 

An American replied "John isn't here......is that you Juan?" The 
Mexican general stood up, "Yeah?!".....

1. 




What food best describes a man? 

     Jerky 

2. 




A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.  After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an 
announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this 
is your captain speaking.  Welcome to Flight Number 293, 
nonstop from New York to Los Angeles.  The weather ahead is 
good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful 
flight.  Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"

Silence.

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies 
and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I 
was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and 
spilled the hot coffee in my lap.  You should see the front of my 
pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing.  He should see the 
back of mine!"

3. 




Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent
   his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason
   for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should
   ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to
   repossess me."


4. 




There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the 
husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year 
old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son's room 
and says "Son do you remember that session I arranged for you with 
mademoiselle Ginette ?" "Oh yes papa, I remember very well" says the son. 
"Well son it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same 
thing"

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 September '11 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
            1  2  3  
4  5  6  7  8  9  10 
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 
18 19 20 21 22 23 24 
25 26 27 28 29 30 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.