Today's jokes [9.1.11]
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During the Mexican/American war, an intense long standoff
occured along the front. For days and days neither side made
any advances. Finally, an American general had a bright idea.
He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled "Hey
Juan!".....A soldier jumped up and replied "What?" The general
shot him dead. This continued for three days.
A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and
decided to try it out. He called out "Hey John!!"
An American replied "John isn't here......is that you Juan?" The
Mexican general stood up, "Yeah?!".....
What food best describes a man?
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this
is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293,
nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is
good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I
was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and
spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the
back of mine!"
Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent
his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason
for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should
ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to
There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the
husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year
old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son's room
and says "Son do you remember that session I arranged for you with
mademoiselle Ginette ?" "Oh yes papa, I remember very well" says the son.
"Well son it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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