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Today's jokes [8.8.11]

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Q: What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together?

A: Bullshit

1. 




What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

A drunk doesn't have to go to those stupid meetings. 

2. 




Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!

3. 




A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving 
himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in.  The boy, 
seeing the young Lt.'s green uniform asks him if he was in the 
Army.  The Lt. smiles and say's, "Why yes I am...you wanna 
wear my hat?"  The boy nods and the hat is placed on his head.  
As the boy admired himself in the mirror, the bathroom door 
slammed open and an old Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt walked in.  
He was decked out in his Dress Blue Uniform, with medals down 
his chest.  The boy, seeing the uniform asked him, "Hey, are 
you a Marine?"  The Gunnery Sgt peared down at the boy and 
responded, "That's right!  Why?  Do wanna suck me off?"  The 
boy replied nervously, "I-I-I'm not in the Army!!  I'm just 
wearing his hat!!"

Sent by Brian

4. 




The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. 
As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up 
into the sky and tell me what you see." 

The CO said "I see millions of stars." 

1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?" 

CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of 
galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells 
me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. 
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day 
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?" 

1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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