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Today's jokes [8.7.11]

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What do a meteorologist in a snowstorm
and a woman's sex life have in common?

They're both concerned with how many
inches and how long it will last.

1. 




I heard on the news last night that Bill Gates and his wife are expecting 
a baby in June.

I'm betting the baby will be late.



2. 




There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing
how much their husbands could get up their crotch. 
The first women said, "My husband can get his whole hand up me". 
The second lady said, "My husband can get his whole head up me". 
The third lady slid down the bar stool. 

3. 




   The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his
   wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me
   when you have an orgasm ?"
   
   She looked him rite in the eye and said, "You're never home !"


4. 




There were these three morticians talking about their greatest feats. 
The first one says, "I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. 
Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral!!" 
The next guy says, "oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 
15 stories, then he got run over by a steam roller, but I had him 
ready for an open casket funeral in two days!!!" The third guy sulks 
in the corner, "man. both y'all got me beat. I had this lady parachutist 
who landed on the empire state building. it took me four days just to get 
the grin off her face."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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