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Today's jokes [8.6.11]

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At the first session of a conversion class the
minister conducting the class asked, "What must
we do before we can expect forgiveness from sin?" 

After a long silence, one of the men in attendance
raised his hand and said: 

"Sin?"

1. 




Did you hear about the guy that entered his dog at Crufts? 

    He got 16 months. 

2. 




How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?

The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

3. 




After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believes
he is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and a
friend came across a chicken, and John was terrified.
"Why are you so afraid, you're not a grain
of wheat after all," his friend asked.
John replied, "You know it and I know it,
but the chicken doesn't know it."

Sent by Marc

4. 




   Bank Teller
   A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, "I
   want to open a
   fucking checking account". "Please sir", she replies, "we can't have
   language like that in
   here." "Why the Fuck not?" he asked. "Sir," Came her retort, "I must
   ask you to refrain
   from swearing." "I don't give a shit what you want," he answers, "I
   just want to open a
   fucking checking account."
   With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch
   manager. The manager
   asks if he might be able to help the gentleman. "Shit yes", came the
   reply, "I just won 14
   million dollars in the lottery and want to open a fucking checking
   account." The branch
   manager says, "I see, and this stupid, fucking, bitch is giving you a
   hard time?"
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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