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Today's jokes [8.30.11]

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   A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up
   your things. I just won the California lottery!"
   
   Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
   
   The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the
   house by noon!"
   


1. 




Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?

     To get away from the noise.

2. 




Q: Did you hear about the Irishman who went to the toilet?
A: He wiped the chain and pulled himself.

3. 




What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb!

4. 




We have various local spots where the teenagers park, cruise, hold drag
races, drink beer etc.  We happen to own a white 1983 Dodge Diplomat,
the exact kind of car used by the State Patrol around here as well as
many law enforcement agencies nationwide.  (Actually our car WAS a
state patrol car, but that's another story).  Anyway, my brother in
law, who is a cruiser, would occasionally borrow this car and drive it
down to the cruising spots.  Needless to say, when they saw him coming
there was brief but furious activity.  He finally had to stop doing
this because it made his friends so mad.

People hate to pass us on the freeway too.  It is not unusual to see
some Camaro or Porche come zipping along through traffic until he is
about 2 car lengths behind us, then decelerate to a perfect 55.00 miles
per hour.  It takes him about 10 seconds to look us over, decide we
aren't in uniform, notice that we don't have state license plates, and
make up his mind.  He will then typiclaly test how fast his car will
accelerate to about 90 mph.



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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