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Today's jokes [8.26.11]

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I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for 
parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie, and he 
said we could discuss it tonight in a "National Town Meeting." 

1. 




Did you hear about the new downhill racing skis the ski resorts are
selling this year?

They are called Lewin-skis.  They are for people who like to go down.

2. 




Two men were walking along the street when they came
upon a dog licking his dick.

One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." 

The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going
to have to pet him first."

3. 




President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest 
condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's 
favourite form of birth control!  This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power 
to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister.
"I do need your help," said Clinton.  "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 
condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.
"Oh, and one more small favour, please?" said Clinton.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in colour, at least 10" long and 
4"  in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up 
and called the President of Trojan Condoms.
"I need a favour, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send 
'dem to Hamerica."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great!  Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at 
least 10" long and 4" in  diameter."
"Easily done.  Anything else?"
"Yah," said the Prime Minister, "an' print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM'
on each one."

4. 




What's another name for pickled bread?

Dill-dough!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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