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Today's jokes [8.25.11]

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Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.
To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'
three whiskeys."
Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy,
it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It's
celebratin', you are.
"Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebrating
me first blow job."
Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar.
"Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself,
here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration
with you."
Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal,
but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't
either." 

1. 




Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
A: He's breathing.


2. 




How do dentists become brain surgeons?

When their drills slip.

3. 




   1200 people attended the recent International Psychic Society
   conference.
   
   Moderator: "How many attendees believe in ghosts?"
   (Over 80% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have actually seen a ghost?"
   (58% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many believe that a ghost can be solid?"
   (23% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have ever physically touched a ghost?"
   (3% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have ever had sex with a ghost?"
   (After some pause one lonely hand at the back of the hall went up)
   
   Moderator: "May I ask where you are from, sir?"
   Attendee: "I am from Australia."
   
   Moderator: "And you say you've had sex with a ghost?"
   
   Attendee: "Oh sorry! I thought you said "goat."
   


4. 




Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out
of the delivery room after his wife gives birth
to their son. Michael says, "How long before we
can have sex?"
The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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