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Today's jokes [8.24.11]

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   A guy was sitting at the Super Bowl in the very best seat available.
   
   The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and
   said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't
   come to the game?"
   
   The fellow next to him replied, "Actually that's my wife's seat...we
   bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so
   I came alone."
   
   "I'm sorry to hear that, but why didn't you give the ticket to a
   family member or friend?"
   
   "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
   


1. 




What did the lawyer name his daughter? 

Sue.



2. 




A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely.
I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs 
at me.
Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face 
down on that couch."

3. 




   Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set
   off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite
   the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy,
   points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?"
   
   His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk."
   
   "No, at the other end."
   
   "That, son is the tail."
   
   "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant."
   
   A short embarrassed silence after which she replies, "That's nothing."
   
   The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied
   with her answer, asks his father the same question.
   
   "Daddy, what is that long thing?"
   
   "That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
   
   "No at the other end."
   
   "Oh, that is the tail."
   
   "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.
   
   "That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?"
   
   "Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy.
   
   Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..."
   


4. 




Why do gays eat refried beans on Saturday night? 

So they can take a bubble bath Sunday morning.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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