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Today's jokes [8.23.11]

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She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?

He: Your sense of humor.


1. 




   There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was
   driving when a
   police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and
   says "Did you
   know you were speeding back there." The lady (who is almost deaf) said
   to her husband
   "What did he say, what did he say?" The man turns to his wife and said
   "He said I was
   speeding." The officer then said "Where are you from?" The man replied
   "Chicago" The
   wife then says "What did he say, what did he say?" The man turns to
   his wife and said,
   "He wanted to know where we came from." The officer then said "Shit,
   you know, I had
   my worst fuck ever in Chicago." The lady then says "What did he say,
   what did he say?"
   The man turns back and says "He says he thinks he knows you."
   


2. 




A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that
says; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy was
interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay.
"Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier. 
"Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied.
"Nope! Sorry play again".
So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the
same place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he was
really ticked:
"This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to
have free sex!" He screamed.
"Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times
last week alone!" 

3. 




The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of "Baywatch"
have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise.
After all, both companies have made millions off airheads with
flawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts.

If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certain
to follow. Some possibilities:

Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment,
where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessories
include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant.

Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders
important tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how to
take care of their nails while shoeing a horse.

America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crime
against feminism.

Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks!
Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is,
Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, and Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.

My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as regular teens who
don't have huge wardrobes, pools, ponies, and perfect bods.

Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American dream is explored with this doll,
which shows what happened after Barbie graduated from high school, married too
young and ate too much.

Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder stateswoman of the Barbie set (she's 27!)
arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear. 

4. 




And now, from our favourite fairy-tales....

Why does Peter Pan Fly?

You'd fly to if you got hit in the peter with a pan.



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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