Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [8.22.11]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


The angry wife met her husband at the door.  His breath stunk of
alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she
barked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in
at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

1. 




This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago
that I lost my dear wife and children.

I'll never forget that game of cards...

2. 




How do you know you're leading a sad life?

When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends." 


3. 




A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the
doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week 
and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doc said, "I'll have to put your 
penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay 
next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 
4-sided splint, held together with surgical wire. It was an impressive 
work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry 
and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse 
to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw 
them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these 
breasts."
He pulls down his pants, whips out his splinted cock and says, "Look at 
this beauty, it's still in the CRATE!"

4. 




Father:    Did Paul bring you home last night?
Daughter:  Yes, it was late. Daddy.   Did the noise disturb you?
Father:    No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise.  It was the silence.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 August '11 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
   1  2  3  4  5  6  
7  8  9  10 11 12 13 
14 15 16 17 18 19 20 
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 
28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.