Today's jokes [8.22.11]
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The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of
alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she
barked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in
at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."
This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago
that I lost my dear wife and children.
I'll never forget that game of cards...
How do you know you're leading a sad life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the
doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week
and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doc said, "I'll have to put your
penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay
next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little
4-sided splint, held together with surgical wire. It was an impressive
work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry
and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse
to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw
them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these
He pulls down his pants, whips out his splinted cock and says, "Look at
this beauty, it's still in the CRATE!"
Father: Did Paul bring you home last night?
Daughter: Yes, it was late. Daddy. Did the noise disturb you?
Father: No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise. It was the silence.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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