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Today's jokes [8.19.11]

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Q: What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row of a Hanson concert

1. 




Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting 
on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of 
fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection 
with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny 
asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?"
His father qiuckly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", 
to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

2. 




One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go
out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his
wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.
The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn't
stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the
infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to the father all that
he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine
the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he undid
the diaper, he finds that the diaper is indeed full. "Here's the
problem", the Dr. says. "He needs a change." The father is very
perplexed, " But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs!"

3. 




History of the United States

                                      by David Hyatt



J. Walter Thompson, a huge ad agency, has a test for all wannabe
copywriters.  They print it every few years as a full page ad in many
major newspapers.  They call the campaign "Write if you want work."

My response to the question, "Write the history of the
United States in 100 words or less":

        Creation.  Evolution.  Civilization.  Exploration.
Colonization.  Taxation.  Representation?  Declaration.  Revolution.
Celebration. Constitutionalization.  Election.  Inauguration.
Succession.  Institutionalization.  Conflagration.  Migration.
Plantation.  Expansion.  Destination Manifestation.  Annexation.
Secession.  Rebellion.  Abolition.  Emancipation Proclamation.
Assassination.  Reconstruction.  Industrialization.  Assassination.
Invention.  Transportation.  Urbanization.  Exploitation.
Stratification.  Assassination.  Unionization.  Protection.
Regulation.  Suffrage Extension.  Balkanization.  Destruction.  League
of Nations.  Prohibition.  Immigration.  Depression.  Socialization.
Construction.  Isolation.  Deterioration.  Penetration.
Fission-n-Fusion.  Annihilation.  Radiation.  Polarization.
Militarization.  Partition.  Persecution.  Automation.  Failed
Invasion.  Assassination.  Investigation.  Division.  Demonstration.
Mind Alteration.  Space Exploration.  Bra Incineration.  Obfuscation.
Resignation.  Elation.  Stupification.  Abortion.  Stagflation.  Gas
Station.  Computerization.  Communication.  Deregulation.  Pollution.
Deforestation.  Kinder, Gentler Nation.  Reunification.
Reconciliation.  Verification.  Recession.  Demarcation.
Obliteration.  Glorification.  Education?

Copyright 1992 David Hyatt -- don't rip it off if you're taking the
same test!



4. 




Grant's Bar and Casino:

     Liquor in the front, 
     Poker in the rear. 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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