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Today's jokes [8.18.11]

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One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly 
drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was 
followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then 
about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man 
following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My 
wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" 
"My dog bit her and she died." Dave then asked who was in the second 
hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as 
well." "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line." replied the man.

1. 




The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have
developed a pill to increase lubrication in females. 

The pill will be called Niagra. 


2. 




Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that 
you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying 
that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that
you've been calling me fat?!?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear 
those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I've also heard 
that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only 
said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

3. 




Q: Why are women so bad at mathematics? 
A: Because men keep telling them that this
|<---------------------->| 
is 12 inches. 


4. 




This joke sucks....

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.  The wife turns over and
says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I
want to stay fresh."  The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.  
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.  This time
he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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