Today's jokes [8.15.11]
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After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a
dog was declared cured. A friend asked him how he felt now.
The former patient replied, "Fine! Just feel my nose."
The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book
The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the
The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal
The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the
Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."
The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the
Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"
Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than
The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of
the Soviet Elephant"
And submited a poem "The Joy and
Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."
But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but
wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"
A man visits his doctor.
"I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls
has turned blue."
The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would
die if they didn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such
a thing to me?"
"Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient
had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the
operation, he came back.
"Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue
Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other
testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant.
"Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to
agree to the operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the
doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now
After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him the
bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go.
Of course, he did not want to hear about it. "You really want to
die?", asked the doctor.
"But... how do I pee?"
"We'll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."
So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the
unfortunate man again returns the doctor's office. He is very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue."
"Can you tell me what a hell is happening?"
So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and
says, "Hmmmm, I think its the jeans......"
Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?
A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed.
….Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
earlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you when
it popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be a
little picture of a bomb burned onto it. If they break, these
toasters would require a special set of MacToaster Tools to
even open up. Worldwide market share would only be 5%, but all
the bread in school lunches would be exclusively toasted on
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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