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Today's jokes [8.13.11]

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An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing
problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and
they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than
twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for
seven days and comeback and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I
don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting
just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for
yourself?".

"Calm down, Mrs.Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed
your
sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."

1. 




Q: Why do women wake up with a brain the size of a pea?
A: It swells up over night.


2. 




Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?


                    Her knickers fit her like a glove!

3. 




The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, "Where do babies come 
from?" Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time 
she replies, "From the stork of course!" The little guy thinks for a few
seconds and then asks, "But mom, who fucks the stork?" 

4. 




An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast
table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. 
The old man said,"You know, 50 years ago, we were probably
sitting here buck naked." 
The woman said, "Why don't we try that again?" 
So they stripped and sat down at the table again. 
Soon the old woman said, "Honey, my titties are as hot for
you today as they were 50 years ago."
The man replied, "Of course they are dear, one's in your
oatmeal and the others in your coffee!" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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