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Today's jokes [8.10.11]

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Age        DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
        17         "Burger King"
        25         "Free meal"
        35         "A diamond"
        48         "A bigger diamond"
        66         "Home Alone"



1. 




Question: What is the most popular pick up 
          line in a gay bar? 

Answer: Can I push your stool in?

2. 




Whats blue and doesn't fit any more?

     - A dead epileptic. 

3. 




The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone 
call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten 
himself into quite a fix.

"See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from 
the movies we found them stuck together."

"I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly, "and don't 
worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time."

Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"

4. 




A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from
inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor
of the living room naked. Wife yells, "help, help, I am having
a heart attack", the husband runs in the other room to call the
doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says "daddy, daddy,
there is a naked man in the closet", husband opens the closet
door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, god damn it,
my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare
the kids"!!! 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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