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Today's jokes [7.9.11]

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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. Actually, only one to screw it in.
The other 3 are there to listen to him
brag about the screwing part! 

1. 




One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up
behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, "I'm
going to kiss you if you can't tell me who I am in three guesses."
She quickly answered, "George Washington!  Thomas Jefferson!
Abraham Lincoln!"

2. 




A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. 
"How are you grandpa?"  he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care 
of you."
"What about sleeping?  Do you sleep okay?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night.  At 10 
o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra 
tablet, and that's it.  I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he 
rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you 
people doing?" he asks.  "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old 
Viagra on a daily basis.  Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give 
him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet.  It works 
wonderfully well.  The chocolate makes him sleep, and the 
Viagra stops him rolling out of bed."

3. 




You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant.  
Guess what?  His penis rejected it!

4. 




Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the 
church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - 
that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. 

"Gladly," responded the good man. 

When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at 
once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends 
his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in 
which it was given."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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