Today's jokes [7.8.11]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster
for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster
and says "Ok, old fellow, time to retire."
The old rooster says "You can't handle all these chickens....look at
what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.
Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a
The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens
over in the corner. I won't bother you."
The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking
So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young
rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you
around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken
The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just
to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."
They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "Go!"
and the old rooster takes off running.
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him.
They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only
about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on,
grabs his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits.
He sadly shakes his head and says "Dammit, third gay rooster I bought
A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of
hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with
their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!!"
One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always
wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size
we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!"
The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The
young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all
his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, "HI
The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to
come to the police station to study a lineup of five people. He placed
his suspect at the end of the line. Then he asked each to step forward
and say, "Give me all your money...and I need some change in quarters,
nickels and dimes." The first four did it right. However, when it was
the last man's turn to recite, he broke the case by blurting out,
"That isn't what I said."
Boy: Will you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy: Good, cause I didn't do my homework!
How are men like UFOs?
You don't know where they come from, what their mission is,
or what time they're going to take off.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30