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Today's jokes [7.31.11]

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Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, 
"How was I born?" "The stork brought you to us." "Oh," said Little Johnny. 
"Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought 
us too." "So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?" "Well, darling, the 
stork brought them too," said the mother. The next day Little Johnny 
handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, "This report is impossible to 
write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my 
family for three generations."

1. 




DRINKING SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent 
light strip across it. 
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. 
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, 
stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar. 
  
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts. 
FAULT: You have fallen forward. 
ACTION: See above. 

2. 




How do you confuse a blonde?

Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.

How do you confuse her even more?

Ask her where she went.

Sent by Chris

3. 




   A man walks in to a doctors office and says, "Doctor you must help me.
   I have AIDS."
   The doctor replies, "Are you gay?" The man answers "yes." The doctor
   says, "I think I
   can help. Go to the grocery store, buy a box of laxatives and a quart
   of prune juice.Take
   ALL of the laxatives and drink ALL of the prune juice. Take a nap for
   a couple of hours.
   When you wake up your problem will be solved." The man answers, "Will
   that cure my
   AIDS?" The doctor replies, "No, but you will find out what your ass
   hole is really for!"
   


4. 




What do you call a blonde lesbian?

     A waste. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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