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Today's jokes [7.29.11]

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A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by
and the girl mumbled, "Please, sir, give me some money for a fix." 
The man answers, astonished, "Good heavens! But, how old are you,
little girl?" 
"I'm eight, sir." 
"Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?" 
"Since I was raped, sir, when I was four." 
"RAPED?! And who raped you, little girl?" 
"I don't remember, I was drunk." 

1. 




Vicar: Whats that you're doing, Tommy?
Tommy: Sticking bangers up frogs arses, Vicar.
Vicar: Rectum, Tommy.
Tommy: Blows 'em to fucking pieces, Vicar! 

2. 




Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70.
When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, "Why should I be 
upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."

3. 




Age           EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

        17         Need to wash my hair
        25         Need to wash and condition my hair
        35         Need to color my hair
        48         Need to have Francois color my hair
        66         Need to have Francois color my wig

4. 




There are three 3rd Grade girls, a blonde, a brunnett, and a red-head.
Q. Which one is the tallest?
A. The blonde -- she is 18 years old!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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