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Today's jokes [7.25.11]

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One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's 
crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at 
the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: 
disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, 
skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it 
aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her 
husband.

"A penny for your thoughts," she said.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can 
make a crib like that for only $46.50."

1. 




A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and
repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll
have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly
20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?" 
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."

2. 




Man to a woman: Do you know the difference between a blowjob 

and a cheeseburger is?

Woman: No

Man: Lets have lunch sometime...

Sent by jim

3. 




At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20.
Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl
could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed
replied "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one." 

4. 




A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow
$200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what
kind of collateral he has. The man says 'I've got a
Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off
-- here are the keys.' 

Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays
back the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains
possession of the Rolls Royce. 

The loan officer asks him, 'Sir, if I may ask, why
would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow
two hundred dollars?' 

The man answers, 'I had to go to Europe for six months,
and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that
long for ten dollars?' 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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