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Today's jokes [7.24.11]

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What is grey and comes in quarts?

An Elephant. 

1. 




My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it
hurt!..................

So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.



2. 




A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.
He says "Doctor, I want to put her on the pill."
The Doctor says "Why?!? Is she sexually active?"
The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother."

Sent by soh


3. 




"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY"
So what ? Who's in a hurry ?

4. 




   Camel Died
   A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few
   days the camel falls
   over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither
   one of them will
   survive the rest of the journey.
   The priest asks the nun "I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at
   this point it probably
   wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?" The nun agrees and shows
   him her breasts.
   "May I touch them?" The nun allows him to. The priest comments
   sincerely how
   wonderful they are. The nun then asks "Father, I have never seen a
   man's penis before,
   could you show me yours? The priest drops his drawers.
   "May I touch it?" After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a
   huge erection. The
   priest says, "you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can
   give life!" "Is that
   right" the nun replies?
   "Yes," says the priest.
   So the nun said: "Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and
   lets get the hell out of
   here!"
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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