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Today's jokes [7.23.11]

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   This guy and his girlfriend are fighting....she says "I'm breaking up
   with you." "Why??"
   he asks. She says "because you are a pedophile".
   He says "Pedophile?????? Hmmmm that's an awfully big word for a 10
   year old."
   


1. 




New scientific theories

GRAND PRIZE WINNER:  When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS lands on its
feet; and when toast is dropped, it ALWAYS lands with the buttered
side facing down. Therefore, I propose to strap buttered toast to the
back of a cat.  When dropped, the two will hover, spinning inches above the
ground, probably into eternity. A "buttered-cat array" could replace
pneumatic tires on cars and trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays"
could easily allow a high-speed monorail linking New York with Chicago.

2. 




Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued,
with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General,
stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing
complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become
furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered
him to investigate the matter.
The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and
then reported on the problem to him.
He said:" Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.
The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"

3. 




A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 
hours to live. "That's terrible!!!" said her husband, "What would you like to do during your 
last hours ? I'll try to make it as memorable as possible for you."

"Well," she said, "First, I want to take a long romantic walk, then have a quiet dinner at my 
favorite restaurant and then go to bed with you and make passionate love all night long !"

"Gee, Honey." said her husband, "I don't know about that 'all night long' stuff. After all, 
I'm gonna have to get up in the morning and you won't" 



4. 




What do you do when a Blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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