Today's jokes [7.15.11]
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I admitted to my friend that I hadn't had sex for a while.
My friend reassured me that I won't forget it, cuz sex is
like riding a bicycle.
I know it's been a while, but I don't ever remember pedaling...
First snake:I hope I'm not poisonous.
First snake:Because I bit my lip!
Q. Where is an elephants sex organ ?
A. In his feet. If he steps on you, you're fucked !
Conversation over dinner:
WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with
pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Oh Shit.
The newly married man came home from work to find his new
bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee.
"Guess what I got planned for dinner?" she asked seductively.
"And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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