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Today's jokes [7.13.11]

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Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually 
tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth.  
As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, 
the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut 
goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in 
forcing the thing in awfully deep.

After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the
hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their 
daughter coming in with her boyfriend.

The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's 
studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing.  He
then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and
low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.
As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to 
get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck.

"So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes
school? A GP or a surgeon?"

                                                   "Well," says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers,
                                                   I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."


Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol 
(who is very religious),
"So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do?
"I study the Torah," he replies.
"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and 
house her?"
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
"But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. 
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol 
is like. "Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy, I only just met him 
and he already thinks I'm God."


If Wang made toasters...
Marketing would never agree upon what customers really want
or need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spent
in development and the toaster would be several years late.
Just after release Wang would buy another company whose
toaster ran on NT but would find that they got more orders
for the original.


Why are guys faster than girls? 

They have a stick shift and ball bearings.


What's a transvestite's idea of a good time? 

Eat, drink, and be Mary!


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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