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Today's jokes [7.11.11]

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This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom
please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, 
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

1. 




   Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient
   oil lamp in an ash
   can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it.
   Sure enough, out
   popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man
   spoke, his eyes
   bulging with desire. "I wanna be rock hard and get plenty of ass for
   the rest of my life!"
   The genie obediently turned him into a toilet.
   


2. 




   Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag
   One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked
   in, and said, "good
   morning class. Today we are going to play word games. I'm going to
   give you a word and
   I want you to put it in a sentence for me." She said "Spanky you're
   first. Your word is
   football." Spanky stood up and proudly said " I threw the football,"
   and sat down.
   The teacher said "very good Spanky." Then the teacher said, "Darla,
   you're next. Your
   word is pretty." Darla stood up and said, " I think I'm very pretty!"
   Then she sat down.
   Then the teacher called on Buckwheat. She said, "Buckwheat, you're
   next. Your word is
   dictate." Buckwheat stood up looked at Arial, and said, "Hey Darla!
   How'd my dic tate las
   nigh?
   


3. 




A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road.
A woman was driving down the same road. 
As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the
window and yelled, "Pig!" 
The man immediately leaned out his window and replied,
"Bitch!" 
They continue on their way and as the man rounded the
next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the
road.

4. 




There was a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette hears a siren 
behind them, so she asks the blonde if its lights are on. The blonde turns 
around and says "yes, no, yes, no....." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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