Today's stories [6.30.11]
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Bachelor Blake had a telephone problem last summer. Some dude who
works a night shift apparently has a phone number almost identical to
Starting around midnight, he'd phone every hour and say, "Hey,
what're you doing there, Mister? Where's my wife?"
Blake'd reply, "You have the wrong number."
The man would snarl suspiciously, "Yeah, I'll bet!" cuss a short streak,
and hang up.
Blake put up with this abuse for exactly three nights. On the fourth
night, when the called and asked, "Hey, what're you doing...," Blake
interrupted in a frantic screech, "For Pete's sake, call the cops! My wife
followed me here, she's chasing your wife with an axe, and she's gonna...
The man hollered, "What happened? What? Are you there? Hold on, I'll send
the police!" The phone clicked, the dial tone came on, and Blake hasn't
been bothered by night calls since.
A friend told me "I can understand why men don't like vasectomies.
My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with MasterCard. He
forgot to pay the bill, and the finance company came over to his
house and knocked up my aunt."
The president turned back to his own role in history.
He told the audience that he saw a list of the top 100 news
stories of the century compiled by the Newseum, a journalism-
oriented museum ... across the Potomac in Virginia, and noticed
that "something about the events of the past year" [was] on it.
Clinton, smiling, revealed his number on the list: No. 53.
"No. 53! I mean, what does a guy have to do to make the top 50?
I came in six places after the invention of plastic, for crying
outloud. And I don't recall a year of 24-hour-a-day saturation
on the miracle of plastic."
--Associated Press Report
on 85th White House Correspondents
2 May 1999
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