Today's stories [6.1.11]
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From a radio program, a true report of a
happening in Michigan, USA. A guy buys a brand new
Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has $400+
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting
and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two
Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the
dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They
drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now,
they want to make some kind of a natural landing
area for the ducks, something for the decoys to
float on. In order to make a hole large enough to
look like something a wandering duck would fly
down and land on, it is going to take a little
more effort than an ice hole drill. Out of the
back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these
two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration
that if they place the stick of dynamite on the
ice at a location far from where they are standing
(and the new Grand Cherokee), they don't want to
take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run
from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke
with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light
this 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned
the vehicle, the beer,the guns and the dog? Yes, the
dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for
retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of
doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of
dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the
time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream,
wave arms and wonder what to do now. The dog,
cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs
the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is
loaded with 8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop
a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment,slightly
confused but continues on. Another shot and this
time the dog, still standing, becomes really
confused & of course scared,thinking these two
Nobel Prize winners have gone insane. He takes off
to find cover, (with the now really short fuse
burning on the stick of dynamite).... under the
brand new Cherokee. BOOM ! Dog and Cherokee are
blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake
in a very large hole, leaving the two candidates
for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing
there with this "I can't believe this happened"
look on their faces. The insurance company says
that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of
explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the
first of those $400+ a month payments.
John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great
state of Washington, decided to attend a local
Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at George,
Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among
them) they sat in the parking lot, and after
finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and
sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their
pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was
for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over,
and then assist his friend over the fence.
Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop
on the other side of the fence. Having heaved
himself over, he found himself crashing through a
tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large
branch which snagged him by his shorts. Dangling
from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked
down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring
the bushes would break his fall, John removed his
pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree. When finally free,
John crashed below into Holly bushes. The sharp
leaves scratched his entire body and now being
without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim
of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity.
To make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded
to fall with him and landed three inches into his
left thigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain
and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull
him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds
less, he decided the best course of action would
be to tie the rope to the pickup truck. This is
when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken
state, Sal put the truck into the wrong
gear,pressed on the gas, and crashed through the
fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was
thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal
injuries and also died at the scene. Police
arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver
thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving
the truck, a half naked man, with numerous
scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in
his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the
tree branches 25 feet in the air.
So you think you're computer-illiterate?
Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by
Jim Carlton --
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key
is. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that
the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the
problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then
rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back
in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold
on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the
room to close the door to his room.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in
front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell
tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of
friends,"the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store,
the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of
Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys
and washing them individually.
A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The
tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power
button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's
Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in,
and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When
asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What
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