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Today's jokes [6.7.11]

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A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: 

"Use it on every conceivable occasion."

1. 




What do true rednecks do on Halloween? 

- Pump kin.

2. 




What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common? 

Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking,
and then next thing you know your house is gone!

3. 




A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her 
vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a 
naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she 
slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was 
lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the 
hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.

"The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much 
appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly.

"No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the 
dining room skylight."

4. 




A fellow's wife was very worried about her husband's heavy drinking and 
one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white 
sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was 
in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the 
pub. It was not long before he came staggering along, and out she jumped 
from behind a headstone. "Ooooooo!" she wailed, "I am the Devil!" 

He sticks out his hand..."Put it there, pal," he says, "I am married to 
your sister."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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