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Today's jokes [6.6.11]

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"My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis," mumbles an angry
biker to one of his buddies. 

"No," says the friend, "people don't die of syphilis anymore." 

The angry biker replies, "They do when they give it to me!"

1. 




A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband 
stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh.  Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.  "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

2. 




Christmas Cookie Ingredients

1 cup water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle Absolute vodka

Sample the Absolute to  check quality.  Take a large bowl. Check the
Absolute again, to be sure it is of the highest quality.  Pour 1 level
cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer.  Beat 1 cup  butter in a
large fluffy bowl.  Add 1 teaspoon of sugar,  beat again.  At this
point it's best to make sure the Absolute is still OK, try another cup, 
just in case. 

Turn off the mixerer thingy, break 2 leggs and add to the bowl
and chuck  in 1 cup of dried fruit.  Pick the frigging fruit off
floor... mix on the turner.  If the fried druit gets stuck in the
beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.  Sample the Absolut to
check for tonsisticity.  Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something.  Who
giveshz a sheet.  Check the Absolute.  Now shift the lemon juice and
strain your nuts.  Add 1 table.  Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.  Greash the oven.  Turn the cake tin 360 degrees
and try not to fall over.  Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Absolute and
make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.   CHERRY MISTMAS!!!!!!

3. 




What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

4. 




What did one gay sperm say to the other? 

I can't find my way through all this shit.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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