Today's jokes [6.5.11]
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Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?
She wanted to save a dogie bag for later.
What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl?
- "Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?"
The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life
The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."
The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."
The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"
The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"
The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"
The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose
The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots
twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and
Have you all stopped to think where you fit in this equation? From a
strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people
who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over
100%. How about achieving 103%? Here¡¯s a little mathematical formula that
might help you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented
as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you:
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = a whopping 118%!!!!
So one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close and Attitude will
get you there, Bullsh*t and Ass Kissing will put you over the top!
A Friend's Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who
screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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